How She met her Lover – story #1 of many.

This is a little story I heard recently in response to my often asked question: How did you meet your Lover?

Jenny had gone to a local bar with her sister and some friends to celebrate her sister’s recent promotion at work. She wasn’t much of a regular attendee at bars and this night she ended up drinking a club soda and sitting a bit apart from her sister, who was getting a bit too drunk, but who can blame her it was her celebration.

Jenny was sitting at one of those taller bar tables where you have to sit on a bar stool, not a regular table, when she took note of a man sitting down on the bar stool next to her. She took note that he was a rather nice looking man, but other than that she paid him no attention. After all, she was suppose to be there with her sister and while she was single, she wasn’t on the lookout for a new man in her life. Well, you know what they say about when you’re not looking.

Soon after the man took a seat next to her, she heard him being greeting by another man, apparently one of his buddies.

Buddy asked Man sitting next to Jenny; “So who’s your friend?”

Man sitting next to Jenny answered; “I don’t know her and I don’t think she want’s to know me.”

This, of course, intrigued Jenny. Without a moment of hesitation she turned to the Man sitting next to her and asked, “Why would you say that?”

Looking a little chagrin to have been overheard, the Man sitting next to Jenny said, “Because you’ve ignored me since I sat down.”

Jenny chuckled, “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know you. It only means I didn’t make an effort to strike up a conversation with you. Just because you took a seat next to me doesn’t mean I have to talk to you.” But even as she said that, she knew it would have been a nice and polite thing to do.

Which he quickly pointed out by saying, “But if you DID want to know me, wouldn’t you have made the effort?”

Of course, he also could have started a conversation with her, but he hadn’t.

Jenny said, “Maybe I didn’t say anything because I’m shy.” Which of course wasn’t’ true, as demonstrated by her ability to easily jump in to his conversation with his buddy.

Man next to her said, “Well, are you?”

Jenny asked, “Am I what? Shy?”

“No, interested in getting to know me?” Man said.

Well, now Jenny had a problem. She could either admit she had no interest in meeting the Man sitting next to her, (which seemed rude) or she could claim that yes, she wanted to know all about him. Feeling frisky and up for the challenge, she opted to go with the latter option to see where it would lead. Besides,she figured if things turned sour, she could always go in search of her sister to dump the guy. (Harsh, but true.)

Jenny soon learned that Man sitting next to her was named Bob, and they spent the next hour discussing the merits of mating rituals conducted at bars, among other such topics. Jenny had a grand time, Bob made her laugh, always a good sign, and they had such a good time that before the evening was over, they exchanged contact info. They then arranged to meet again for dinner to continue their intense conversation, and they soon discovered in each other someone they wanted to get to know better.

Several months later they’re still having intense conversations and are well on their way to happily ever after, or where ever else their romantic journey may take them.

So how did Jenny met her lover?

She ignored him until he got her attention.

Enjoy always, T

V Day, It’s not just for lovers!

Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s the day we celebrate romance and relationships.

All relationships.

Come on folks, let’s be inclusive. Let’s not just celebrate romantic relationships, let’s celebrate all relationships.  Let’s celebrate our girl friends, our boy friends and those family members we actually like.  And while we’re at it we can throw in a few neighbors and some co-workers. These are all included in our relationships, they all have value, and they are all worthy of being celebrated.

All relationships provide the Alchemy of Intimacy. I know, for some it’s more than others, and that’s a good thing, but everyone in our lives brings us value. And, we in return, bring value to everyone we know. Yes, we (you) do.

Remember when you were in grade school and you pretty much had to give a Valentine to very one in your class? Good idea, right. No one was left out. Imagine being like that again. Imagine giving a special message of appreciation – one that says; You’re Special – to all your friends and family, not just your significant other.

Even if you don’t happen to have a love of your life  in your life at the moment – you can still show your love of life.   And Have Fun.

 Enjoy Always, T

Stories and Relationships.

Every story ever told is about relationships.

Maybe not about male/female romantic relationships but there is always some kind of relationship in every story. It may be a business relationship, friends,  parent/child, criminal/victim/detective, old man and the sea, and the list goes on and on. But there’s always a relationship, someone is relating to someone else (or something else, like a big whale), because that’s how we go through life; relating to the world around us.

I believe the best relationships are the honest and mutually beneficial relationship. The one’s that create Critical MASS, Mutual Acceptance & Support Systems. Without Mutual Acceptance & Support we have anarchy, dominance and overbearing control…. I think you get the idea that those are less than ideal relationships.

Mutual Acceptance and Support means; I Accept who you are and that you’re doing the best you can (given who you are) and I Support your efforts to be the best you can be. I have a note on my computer at work that reminds me “I’m doing the best I can, given who I am.” It helps when I’m tempted to think I’m not getting it all done.

If we look for the good, we’ll find the good, we’ll see the beauty and open ourselves to seeing more. Even our troubles, set-backs and disappointments are full of beauty. When seen from a distance we can see the lessons to be learned and the life to be lived.

Stories – and life – are all about relationships. So next time, if I ask you, how you doing? or Heard any good stories lately, be sure to tell me about your ‘latest relationship’, because inquiring minds want to know!

Enjoy always, T

TRUST.

TRUST in a relationship is huge.

TRUST is akin to Believing.

Have you ever felt someone’s trust? Completely?

Have you ever given someone your trust? Completely?

Can you take a moment to even imagine what that feels like?

It’s like believing in Santa Claus, or perhaps we’ll call it the spirit of Christmas. We believe good things will happen. And they do.

While they are not one and the same, trust involves unconditional love and unconditional love involves trust. Imagine saying to someone; “I trust you” instead of saying “I love you.”

What would it mean to say I trust you? Instead of thinking – I trust that you won’t hurt me, try thinking – I trust there’s nothing you can do that will hurt me.

OMG, not true, not true you shout….. Or excuse me, what did you just say?

I trust that there’s nothing you can do that will hurt me, because what trust really means is that I’m strong enough, all on my own, to love you regardless of what you think, do or say. Powerful stuff.

Think of a little baby, sweet, innocent and completely lovable. We love that little baby, unconditionally. We do not believe that baby has any intention of ‘hurting’ us. It can poop, cry, scream or smile and coo and we believe that baby is perfect. He or she is being a perfect little baby, doing the only thing it knows how to do. We trust that baby to be the best baby it can be.

But we’re grownups here. Let me use a cliché example and hope you can see the bigger picture. Imagine a man and a women, a couple, together somewhere. You get to imagine the setting and scene. A beautiful woman walks by and the man checks her out. Noticeably checks her out. You know, the whole eyes locked and following her every move checking her out. He doesn’t try to hide his appreciation of her beauty. How will the woman he’s with react?

IF she trusts that he loves her and feels safe in their relationship she will trust and accept that his ogle (appreciation of the other woman’s beauty) is just that, an ogle and nothing more.

When we’re in a relationship we don’t suddenly put blinders on and no longer see the rest of the world, nor should we. I do NOT believe I should stop looking at attractive men (or women) because I’m in a relationship. Thankfully I know my partner (my lover) is well aware that while I may look, I have no desire to touch. I’m perfectly happy with my lover and I’m not going anywhere. And if I can give him that same trust – oh what a beautiful gift we both share.

And, if your mate does look and want to touch – go read this post. Because being in love does not mean letting someone step on you.

Besides, Why in the world would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Please, let me know if you have a good answer to that one.

TRUST. When you have it, you let go of fear.

Believe and happy holidays.

Enjoy always, T

He made me so mad….. No he didn’t.

Haven’t we all heard someone say; he made me so mad? Maybe we’ve even said it ourselves.

Well, let me tell you, no he didn’t….. make you mad. ‘He’ did not make you mad. You chose to be mad.

BTW, This is not a post to bash men. I’m using the term ‘he’ only because I don’t favor using he/she or some such silly thing. So when ever you see ‘he’ feel free to replace it with ‘she’ if it’ll make you feel better, because I’m all about making you feel better.  Now back to the regularly scheduled post.

It’s so very common of us to blame another person when we get mad. It’s very easy to say, He makes me so mad. I know I’ve said it. We use their actions to justify our anger. But it’s still our anger. Our feelings. Our choice. 

That’s not to say that someone isn’t being rude, or obnoxious, or mean, or ugly, or well you get the point. They may be acting in a way that any reasonable person would observe as offensive, but you still have to choose to be offended. OR you can choose to let it go.  I read a quote by Ken Keyes Jr once that said, You put as much negativity in the world when you TAKE offense as when you GIVE offense. That was one of those ‘WOW’ moments for me. It put a whole new thought into my head. And I took it to heart.

Several years ago…. in a land far, far away, I was having a heated discussion with a friend of mine. At the time this ‘friend’ was becoming much less of a friend. In fact, we were very close to going our own separate ways. He was critiquing some of my recent activities, judging them to be poor choices, bad and just plain wrong. I tried to sit there and listen to his critique (criticism) without getting mad. I really tried. But then he said one thing too much and I lost it. Blew up big time. Yelled, screamed and stomped out, vowing to never return. I think you get the picture.

But now comes the pop quiz. What made that ‘one more thing’ the thing that set me off?

Answer: ME.

I had reached the point where I choose to get mad. He’d been trying to make me mad for several minutes. And I had been doing a fairly good job of disappointing him. I had been doing my best to stay calm. I think that’s what pushed him to keep going. He wanted to get a rise out of me and he kept pushing until he was successful. Not a pretty picture, I can assure you.

The funny thing is, it didn’t occur to me to just leave BEFORE I got mad. Nooooo, I waited until I had reached my limit and then I stomped off in a huff. Why didn’t I just excuse myself when the whole critique session started? Why didn’t I just bow out, say thank you for your time, but now it’s time for me to go? I don’t know. I wish I had. Not because it would have saved our friendship, it had more problems that just that one, but because it would have saved my temper. I could have chosen to save myself from getting mad. I could have seen my limit on the  horizion and blown some wind into my sails to catch the receding tide. But no. I stayed, with some dimwitted idea that it would be rude for me to leave.

Let me tell you, it  was far more dimwitted for me to stay and let him heap abuse upon me, mostly because I know I’m not good at taking abuse. BTW, that’s not a talent I plan to pursue anytime soon.

This post is getting too long, so I’ll close for now and post about how to avoid choosing anger on another day. Let me just say, we are the only ones who get to choose our emotions. No one else can make that choice for us. They may know how to push our buttons, but we have to give them the remote control.

So for now, Enjoy always, T