Magical Musings Monday – Great Expectations

buddhaExpectations, great and small, good lord, it seems we have them all. Did you know that expectations are the number one cause of all pain and suffering? If you don’t believe me, just ask Buddha.

You might have thought that stress was the number one cause of pain, and you’d be right. But let me ask you: What causes stress?
Answer: Expectations.
Usually it’s the expectations we place on ourselves, but just as often it’s the ones we believe the outside world places upon us.

What causes fear? Same answer: Expectations. It’s the expectation that something bad is going to happen. What that “bad” thing may be is up to you.

What causes sadness? Doggone-it, it’s those pesky expectations again. What is sadness but the fear and worry that you don’t have everything you want or need? You may think your sadness is caused by loss, say the loss of a loved one like a spouse, child, family member or dear friend, or the loss of a job or home, the list goes on and on. What you’re really sad about is that your expectations are no longer being fulfilled. It’s only because you believe and expect you should have these experiences, such as the continued presence of a loved one, that you become sad when the experience changes.

Still not buying it? Let me show you an example. What if you KNEW beyond any doubts that your beloved was always with you and you could always feel their love as you wished. Anytime, all the time, you were aware of their love. Sounds good, right?  No reason to be sad. You get up in the morning and you each go your separate ways. You’re not together, but you’re not sad. You know you’ll see your beloved at the end of the day. You love them, they love you, it’s all good.

Then they have to go away on a trip, for whatever reason. You might be a little sad that you won’t be seeing them every night. Where does that sadness come from? From the preconceived expectation that you should see them every night, that you need to see them every night. But your sadness isn’t too bad, you know you’ll see them again in a couple of days. There’s no love lost.

Imagine if you could stretch this time out to a few weeks, a month, even years, and the results were the same. Sadness is caused by expectations for certain results or experiences that you want to achieve or avoid.  How deeply you experience sadness will be based on how deeply you expected certain results.

Usually, sadness will fade over time as we adjust our expectations to become more in alignment with what we’re actually experiencing. Except, so often we create new expectations for new experiences and the cycle begins again.

Okay, now here’s the punch line. WHAT IF you could love without expectations? Ohmygod, you think, not possible. I agree, we all have expectations, great and small. But if you could love without expectations – then what? ? ?  You tell me. It could be interesting.

 

Magical Musings Monday

romance1Romance and relationships. I believe they go hand-in-hand, and often, on a good day, or a good night, as the case may be, they sleep together. As an author, there are many subjects and genres to choose from, but romance and relationships appeals to me. I’ve always felt that men could learn a lot by reading a romance novel. If a man wants to get a quick peek into the female cerebral boudoir just read a romance novel.

I like the interaction of relationships. I like the idea of happily ever after (HEA). I like the idea of love.

I’m also a student of metaphysical spirituality. I believe we are all spiritual beings having a physical human experience. That’s why we’re here, for that grand and glorious Human Experience.

Okay, so I write about romance and relationships. Does that mean I have anything new to say?  Probably not, I just have my own way of saying it. I like to sprinkle my romance with spiritual magic. I write because I have stories to tell. I write because it’s so much fun on a consistent basis. It never disappoints me and it makes me happy. Isn’t that the best reason for doing anything? Because it makes you happy.

So let me leave you with this Magical Monday Musing: When God created man and woman, she created romance. Then, to make it fun, she also created humor. And that’s a good thing.

Go out and create a little romance, and don’t forget to bring your humor.

Enjoy always.

How She met her Lover – story #1 of many.

This is a little story I heard recently in response to my often asked question: How did you meet your Lover?

Jenny had gone to a local bar with her sister and some friends to celebrate her sister’s recent promotion at work. She wasn’t much of a regular attendee at bars and this night she ended up drinking a club soda and sitting a bit apart from her sister, who was getting a bit too drunk, but who can blame her it was her celebration.

Jenny was sitting at one of those taller bar tables where you have to sit on a bar stool, not a regular table, when she took note of a man sitting down on the bar stool next to her. She took note that he was a rather nice looking man, but other than that she paid him no attention. After all, she was suppose to be there with her sister and while she was single, she wasn’t on the lookout for a new man in her life. Well, you know what they say about when you’re not looking.

Soon after the man took a seat next to her, she heard him being greeting by another man, apparently one of his buddies.

Buddy asked Man sitting next to Jenny; “So who’s your friend?”

Man sitting next to Jenny answered; “I don’t know her and I don’t think she want’s to know me.”

This, of course, intrigued Jenny. Without a moment of hesitation she turned to the Man sitting next to her and asked, “Why would you say that?”

Looking a little chagrin to have been overheard, the Man sitting next to Jenny said, “Because you’ve ignored me since I sat down.”

Jenny chuckled, “That doesn’t mean I don’t want to know you. It only means I didn’t make an effort to strike up a conversation with you. Just because you took a seat next to me doesn’t mean I have to talk to you.” But even as she said that, she knew it would have been a nice and polite thing to do.

Which he quickly pointed out by saying, “But if you DID want to know me, wouldn’t you have made the effort?”

Of course, he also could have started a conversation with her, but he hadn’t.

Jenny said, “Maybe I didn’t say anything because I’m shy.” Which of course wasn’t’ true, as demonstrated by her ability to easily jump in to his conversation with his buddy.

Man next to her said, “Well, are you?”

Jenny asked, “Am I what? Shy?”

“No, interested in getting to know me?” Man said.

Well, now Jenny had a problem. She could either admit she had no interest in meeting the Man sitting next to her, (which seemed rude) or she could claim that yes, she wanted to know all about him. Feeling frisky and up for the challenge, she opted to go with the latter option to see where it would lead. Besides,she figured if things turned sour, she could always go in search of her sister to dump the guy. (Harsh, but true.)

Jenny soon learned that Man sitting next to her was named Bob, and they spent the next hour discussing the merits of mating rituals conducted at bars, among other such topics. Jenny had a grand time, Bob made her laugh, always a good sign, and they had such a good time that before the evening was over, they exchanged contact info. They then arranged to meet again for dinner to continue their intense conversation, and they soon discovered in each other someone they wanted to get to know better.

Several months later they’re still having intense conversations and are well on their way to happily ever after, or where ever else their romantic journey may take them.

So how did Jenny met her lover?

She ignored him until he got her attention.

Enjoy always, T

V Day, It’s not just for lovers!

Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s the day we celebrate romance and relationships.

All relationships.

Come on folks, let’s be inclusive. Let’s not just celebrate romantic relationships, let’s celebrate all relationships.  Let’s celebrate our girl friends, our boy friends and those family members we actually like.  And while we’re at it we can throw in a few neighbors and some co-workers. These are all included in our relationships, they all have value, and they are all worthy of being celebrated.

All relationships provide the Alchemy of Intimacy. I know, for some it’s more than others, and that’s a good thing, but everyone in our lives brings us value. And, we in return, bring value to everyone we know. Yes, we (you) do.

Remember when you were in grade school and you pretty much had to give a Valentine to very one in your class? Good idea, right. No one was left out. Imagine being like that again. Imagine giving a special message of appreciation – one that says; You’re Special – to all your friends and family, not just your significant other.

Even if you don’t happen to have a love of your life  in your life at the moment – you can still show your love of life.   And Have Fun.

 Enjoy Always, T

Stories and Relationships.

Every story ever told is about relationships.

Maybe not about male/female romantic relationships but there is always some kind of relationship in every story. It may be a business relationship, friends,  parent/child, criminal/victim/detective, old man and the sea, and the list goes on and on. But there’s always a relationship, someone is relating to someone else (or something else, like a big whale), because that’s how we go through life; relating to the world around us.

I believe the best relationships are the honest and mutually beneficial relationship. The one’s that create Critical MASS, Mutual Acceptance & Support Systems. Without Mutual Acceptance & Support we have anarchy, dominance and overbearing control…. I think you get the idea that those are less than ideal relationships.

Mutual Acceptance and Support means; I Accept who you are and that you’re doing the best you can (given who you are) and I Support your efforts to be the best you can be. I have a note on my computer at work that reminds me “I’m doing the best I can, given who I am.” It helps when I’m tempted to think I’m not getting it all done.

If we look for the good, we’ll find the good, we’ll see the beauty and open ourselves to seeing more. Even our troubles, set-backs and disappointments are full of beauty. When seen from a distance we can see the lessons to be learned and the life to be lived.

Stories – and life – are all about relationships. So next time, if I ask you, how you doing? or Heard any good stories lately, be sure to tell me about your ‘latest relationship’, because inquiring minds want to know!

Enjoy always, T