Written by tricia linden

Please excuse my sore ass.

Warning: This blog is rated “M” for mature and “R” for raunchy. DO NOT read any further if you are easily offended. However, IF you are easily offended, I have to wonder what the blaze you’re doing here, but let me explain…

I’m very sorry to report that I’m a sore ass, or excuse me, I should say I have a sore ass. As much as I would like to deny that statement, for the moment, it’s true.

My day started out all well and good until I decided I needed to run to catch the next BART train. Suddenly, unexpectedly and with horribly bad timing, my right hip gave out. Boom, I could hardly walk, forget about running.

I’ve heard old age is a bitch. I can confirm, she’s also a painful bitch. I do not consider myself a pain wimp, but this does not feel good. (I am a cold wimp, yes, but not pain.)

This pain in my ass, I mean, this hip pain has caused me to do something I have not done in many, many months. I called and made a doctor’s appointment. However my doctor cannot see me until Friday afternoon. Who knows, by then I may not need her assistance. If I’m lucky, this too shall pass and the pain may be gone by then, in which case I will cancel said appointment and carry on.

Unfortunately I have rather limited faith in doctors. Far too often I’ve heard, “There’s nothing we can do, you’re just getting old.” At which point I would really like to slap them with my birth certificate, but I don’t. I’m afraid of breaking the ancent stone tablet. I’d also be concerned about being accused of elder abuse, except I just found out that Elder Abuse is not some done by me – it’s something done to me. Until now I always called it. . . on second thought, never mind what I called it.

I know this blog post makes very little sense. Perhaps it’s because my ass is in control today and she’s not in a good mood.

And I know, a sore ass isn’t very romantic. Maybe I’ll have better luck on another day. For now, I’m trying my best to Look for the Good and to Enjoy Always, T

15 thoughts on “Please excuse my sore ass.”

  1. Now I imagine all kinds of friends will notify you of all kinds of home remedies which is a bunch of baloney so I wanted to be first and offer some REAL remedies from Sicily. Rub Vick’s on the bottom of your feet . This draws out the poison from your hip when you are sleeping. Heat up a small onion and wrap a towel around your head holding the onion in place in your ear. Father says wash injured or sore area with brown soap. This cures everything from broken bones to malaria and blindness. Fortunately you are not a child, because if these things don’t work the old Sicilian women beat you with the giant wooden salad spoon until you are not sick or injured anymore. Keep me posted, OK ?

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    1. Carl, LOL, LOL, LOL, and thanks for the home remedies. I will now rush home and try them all. You may not hear from me for a while as I try to avoid the Sicilian women with giant wooden salad spoons. Oh, look at that, I feel better already. T

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  2. I’m only 30, but I fell just walking to the bathroom and it broke my hip. I really hope you didn’t break anything because people really think you’re old when you fractured your hip. Especially in the bathroom. Good luck and I hope you feel better soon.

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    1. H, I don’t think I’m broken but I’m sure the other people on the Bart Train thought I was old when I grabed the railling and nearly fell to my knees. I sucked it up and kept on going. And I did catch the train. Not too shabby for an old broad. T

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  3. My home remedy is to drink a margarita….with salt of course. The salt is very theurapetic and the tequila….well, that’s just tasty. Hope you feel better soon (at least BEFORE the doctor apt.)

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  5. So sorry, Tricia……I wish I knew some words that make pain go away but the dictionary doesn’t have any…..I hope some drugs will for you….my best to you, tom

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  6. Ouch! Well at least you made the train! If it’s any consolation you’re hilarious when you have a sore ass! Here’s hoping it rights itself before the appointment gets here though – take care blogging buddy! 🙂

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    1. You know what they say…. funny my ass… but really, I’m thinking rest and pain killers is all I need. Oh, wait, I think Beau offered to give me a massage… Oh Beau..where are you? Enjoying always, T

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  7. I love: I’m afraid of breaking the ancent stone table

    Clearly, doctors are too ready with, ” you’re just getting old”. That, frankly, feels like mental abuse. See there, you don’t have to mention elder.

    Enjoyed the post.

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