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V Day, It’s not just for lovers!
Today is Valentine’s Day. It’s the day we celebrate romance and relationships.
All relationships.
Come on folks, let’s be inclusive. Let’s not just celebrate romantic relationships, let’s celebrate all relationships. Let’s celebrate our girl friends, our boy friends and those family members we actually like. And while we’re at it we can throw in a few neighbors and some co-workers. These are all included in our relationships, they all have value, and they are all worthy of being celebrated.
All relationships provide the Alchemy of Intimacy. I know, for some it’s more than others, and that’s a good thing, but everyone in our lives brings us value. And, we in return, bring value to everyone we know. Yes, we (you) do.
Remember when you were in grade school and you pretty much had to give a Valentine to very one in your class? Good idea, right. No one was left out. Imagine being like that again. Imagine giving a special message of appreciation – one that says; You’re Special – to all your friends and family, not just your significant other.
Even if you don’t happen to have a love of your life in your life at the moment – you can still show your love of life. And Have Fun.
Enjoy Always, T
TRUST.
TRUST in a relationship is huge.
TRUST is akin to Believing.
Have you ever felt someone’s trust? Completely?
Have you ever given someone your trust? Completely?
Can you take a moment to even imagine what that feels like?
It’s like believing in Santa Claus, or perhaps we’ll call it the spirit of Christmas. We believe good things will happen. And they do.
While they are not one and the same, trust involves unconditional love and unconditional love involves trust. Imagine saying to someone; “I trust you” instead of saying “I love you.”
What would it mean to say I trust you? Instead of thinking – I trust that you won’t hurt me, try thinking – I trust there’s nothing you can do that will hurt me.
OMG, not true, not true you shout….. Or excuse me, what did you just say?
I trust that there’s nothing you can do that will hurt me, because what trust really means is that I’m strong enough, all on my own, to love you regardless of what you think, do or say. Powerful stuff.
Think of a little baby, sweet, innocent and completely lovable. We love that little baby, unconditionally. We do not believe that baby has any intention of ‘hurting’ us. It can poop, cry, scream or smile and coo and we believe that baby is perfect. He or she is being a perfect little baby, doing the only thing it knows how to do. We trust that baby to be the best baby it can be.
But we’re grownups here. Let me use a cliché example and hope you can see the bigger picture. Imagine a man and a women, a couple, together somewhere. You get to imagine the setting and scene. A beautiful woman walks by and the man checks her out. Noticeably checks her out. You know, the whole eyes locked and following her every move checking her out. He doesn’t try to hide his appreciation of her beauty. How will the woman he’s with react?
IF she trusts that he loves her and feels safe in their relationship she will trust and accept that his ogle (appreciation of the other woman’s beauty) is just that, an ogle and nothing more.
When we’re in a relationship we don’t suddenly put blinders on and no longer see the rest of the world, nor should we. I do NOT believe I should stop looking at attractive men (or women) because I’m in a relationship. Thankfully I know my partner (my lover) is well aware that while I may look, I have no desire to touch. I’m perfectly happy with my lover and I’m not going anywhere. And if I can give him that same trust – oh what a beautiful gift we both share.
And, if your mate does look and want to touch – go read this post. Because being in love does not mean letting someone step on you.
Besides, Why in the world would you want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you? Please, let me know if you have a good answer to that one.
TRUST. When you have it, you let go of fear.
Believe and happy holidays.
Enjoy always, T
I’m all for love.
A Blog KISS for today. Keep It Short and Simple.
First off, let me say, I am all in favor of relationships and I think marriage can be a beautiful expression of a committed relationship.
Now, I will also say; I am neither for nor against marriage. I am also neither for nor against divorce. So what am I in favor of? I’ll say it again: Relationships.
I AM all in favor of everyone walking their own path of self-awareness and love. I am a BIG believer of relationships. Good or bad, beautiful or ugly they all serve a purpose….. to educate, to enlighten, to evolve our souls.
Relationships create the Alchemy of Intimacy. They provide the opportunity for growth and transformation.
I’m also a big fan of happiness. Happiness is not just home made. It’s also OWN made. We create our own happiness. No one else can do that for us. Happiness takes daily practice. It’s not a one time thing, I’ve got it now, I’m good to go. No, Happiness, like love, is a daily choice we choose again and again each day of our lives….. or not. Always the question is: What are you choosing?
I choose to love myself so I can love you too.
I have been blessed with the experience of knowing unconditional love. Not from another, but for another. And once you experience unconditional love, you can never hate again. The love is too big. It touches everything, it encompasses everything.
I wish you joy and peace, health and wealth, but most of all, I wish you love.
Love always and Enjoy always, T
He made me so mad….. No he didn’t.
Haven’t we all heard someone say; he made me so mad? Maybe we’ve even said it ourselves.
Well, let me tell you, no he didn’t….. make you mad. ‘He’ did not make you mad. You chose to be mad.
BTW, This is not a post to bash men. I’m using the term ‘he’ only because I don’t favor using he/she or some such silly thing. So when ever you see ‘he’ feel free to replace it with ‘she’ if it’ll make you feel better, because I’m all about making you feel better. Now back to the regularly scheduled post.
It’s so very common of us to blame another person when we get mad. It’s very easy to say, He makes me so mad. I know I’ve said it. We use their actions to justify our anger. But it’s still our anger. Our feelings. Our choice.
That’s not to say that someone isn’t being rude, or obnoxious, or mean, or ugly, or well you get the point. They may be acting in a way that any reasonable person would observe as offensive, but you still have to choose to be offended. OR you can choose to let it go. I read a quote by Ken Keyes Jr once that said, You put as much negativity in the world when you TAKE offense as when you GIVE offense. That was one of those ‘WOW’ moments for me. It put a whole new thought into my head. And I took it to heart.
Several years ago…. in a land far, far away, I was having a heated discussion with a friend of mine. At the time this ‘friend’ was becoming much less of a friend. In fact, we were very close to going our own separate ways. He was critiquing some of my recent activities, judging them to be poor choices, bad and just plain wrong. I tried to sit there and listen to his critique (criticism) without getting mad. I really tried. But then he said one thing too much and I lost it. Blew up big time. Yelled, screamed and stomped out, vowing to never return. I think you get the picture.
But now comes the pop quiz. What made that ‘one more thing’ the thing that set me off?
Answer: ME.
I had reached the point where I choose to get mad. He’d been trying to make me mad for several minutes. And I had been doing a fairly good job of disappointing him. I had been doing my best to stay calm. I think that’s what pushed him to keep going. He wanted to get a rise out of me and he kept pushing until he was successful. Not a pretty picture, I can assure you.
The funny thing is, it didn’t occur to me to just leave BEFORE I got mad. Nooooo, I waited until I had reached my limit and then I stomped off in a huff. Why didn’t I just excuse myself when the whole critique session started? Why didn’t I just bow out, say thank you for your time, but now it’s time for me to go? I don’t know. I wish I had. Not because it would have saved our friendship, it had more problems that just that one, but because it would have saved my temper. I could have chosen to save myself from getting mad. I could have seen my limit on the horizion and blown some wind into my sails to catch the receding tide. But no. I stayed, with some dimwitted idea that it would be rude for me to leave.
Let me tell you, it was far more dimwitted for me to stay and let him heap abuse upon me, mostly because I know I’m not good at taking abuse. BTW, that’s not a talent I plan to pursue anytime soon.
This post is getting too long, so I’ll close for now and post about how to avoid choosing anger on another day. Let me just say, we are the only ones who get to choose our emotions. No one else can make that choice for us. They may know how to push our buttons, but we have to give them the remote control.
So for now, Enjoy always, T
